U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
