New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
