Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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