Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My balls are so social today.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
