Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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