...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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