I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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