Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
