FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
