Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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