Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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