1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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