i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
