I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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