K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
