Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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