i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
