I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
