I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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