i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
