I think I am morally bankrupt
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
