i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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