You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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