Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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