He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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