I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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