Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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