4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
