we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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