You smell like a Billy Joel song
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
