So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
