today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
