You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
