I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
