It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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