If that was your dad, he is hot
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
