You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
