I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
