That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
