Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
