we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
