I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
