Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
