According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
A+ Viking dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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