just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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