i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
