Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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