My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
