I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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