there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
