Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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