My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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