Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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