Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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