How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
