"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
