He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
