i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
