Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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